Pamela D. Wilson - The Care Navigator

A report from Emory University, called America’s Health Rankings, reports that obesity will cost the United Stated $344 billion in medical related expenses by 2018.  These calculations are based on a prediction that in 10 years, 43% of American adults may be 30 or more pounds overweight.  Extra weight increases the likelihood of heart disease, diabetes, cancer and many other diseases.  Are you currently at your ideal weight?  Are you overweight?  If so what are you doing about it?  Your life or the quality of your life depends on how well you care for your body — it’s the only one you have. 

You’re a caregiver feeling powerless over a caregiving situation.  Your loved one doesn’t want to accept there is a need for help, doesn’t want help, continuously acts in a manner inconsistent with health care needs or has memory loss and can’t even remember what you discussed?  I’m offering small group caregiving classes beginning 8/26 called Caregiving: Defining Relationshps, Setting Boundaries and Managing Change. Information is available at www.thecaringgeneration.com

Often we find ourselves in situations and we wonder how we got there.  We all fall into ruts, become stubborn and set in our ways; it’s part of life.  The challenge is when we become responsible for or a caregiver for a loved one.  This is one time in life where flexibility and understanding the other person’s perspective is extremely important if you want to have a successful outcome and a successful long term relationship.  If there are areas of disagreement, ask the other person’s perspective and be open to changing yours.  Also ask them to be open to hearing your perspective and be flexible in their thinking or habits.  Successful caregiving begins with good communication and sometimes this takes work.

Caregivers come in different varieties  – those who over commit, who’ve place themselves in impossible situations because they thought the time commitment would be an hour or two a week, suddenly it’s turned into a full time job — adult children who suddenly become caregivers after years of an unbalanced  or non-existent parental relationship  – caregivers who find themselves struggling to care for someone with memory loss not knowing what’s going to happen next.  If you find yourself in any one of these situations and you’re looking for education, information or direction — I’m offering 4-week small group educational workshops on Thursday evenings beginning August 26th, class size is limited. Information is on our website or you can call my office to request information 303-205-7877 or send an email to  info@thecarenavigator.com

You’ve become a caregiver.  Your life has changed.  You’re mourning your old life and you’ve become resentful of the person you’re caring for.  Join the crowd.  Changes in our lives that take away from things we enjoy or want to do often cause resentment.  It doesn’t matter if you’re the caregiver or the person needing care; both of you may be resenting the situation.  What to do?  For the caregiver, hire paid help.  For the person needing care, it’s time for a support group.  It’s much easier if you both admit that you’re unhappy with the current situation and then work toward finding solutions for both of you.  Even though the reality of the situation likely won’t change your attitude toward the situation will.

Care at the end of life, whether it’s hospice or palliative care, isn’t talked about.  Your doctor will rarely mention it unless death is imminent.  Society doesn’t talk about death because in general we fear it.  There are two disciplines, palliative and hospice care, that make all the difference when your loved one is experiencing health declines.  The problem is that unless YOU ask for it, no one will offer the information.  All that’s required is a continuing health decline.  Is your older loved one continually losing weight, are they physically or mentally less able?  Why not offer more care and support in the home; this is one benefit insurance actually pays for?  Want to learn more, contact me.  

You’re a caregiver, your loved one needs care.  Who is this about YOU or THEM?  If you’re coming from the right place it’s about them and their needs, not about you.  When it becomes about you, the caregiver, is when you’ve failed to make a plan or set boundaries.  That’s when you feel overwhelmed and likely angry.  That’s when it’s time to consult a professional to make a care plan that supports both you and your loved one.  Because it’s not about you — it’s about them.

I visited with a son this week who went to see his mother and reported that the visit was “unpleasant” because she couldn’t hold a conversation or remember much.  His mother has memory loss.  Caregivers cannot expect their loved ones with memory loss to be in the same physical or mental space that they were prior to the diagnosis. As a caregiver you cannot reason, try logic, teach your loved one new things or expect them to remember.  You’re being unreasonable and likely making your loved one feel uncomfortable.  The best way to NOT have an “unpleasant” visit is to be with your loved one in the place they are, meaning at the level that they are able to function.  Maybe this is nothing more than taking a walk with them or flipping through photo albums.  Remember the visit is to give them joy, not to deal with your feelings of loss — there are support groups and classes for that.

How many individuals rush to place their loved one in a care community where staff seem welcoming and excited to have your loved one?  After the move-in all of this changes and you’re wondering what happened.  This is a common occurrence.  No matter what type of community, the care of your loved one requires continual oversight.  It’s important to talk about expectations with care communities to confirm they can provide the level of care you expect.  It’s important to have one contact for information input and output.  Staff in care communities are busy and they don’t have time to be proactive in addressing issues.  It’s your responsibility to ask questions, determine what needs to be done and hold the care community accountable for providing the best level of care for your loved one.

Filing for Medicaid can be complicated and stressful.  There’s a great deal of information required with a high level of detail.  It’s important not only to make the best effort to file an accurate application but to respond in a timely manner to any requests for additional information.  Understanding that this may likely be a stressful situation for you, it’s important to be polite to the account manager processing your claim.  Many applicants see this person as the enemy when this person can actually be the best opportunity to have your claim processed quickly.  The account manager’s goal is to ensure compliance with the Medicaid process.  Unfortunately due to a lack of knowledge, many families make the error of giving away money or assets which causes a delay or denial of the Medicaid claim.