Pamela D. Wilson - The Care Navigator

Does the thought of physically moving your family member or friend to an assisted living facility exhaust you? First you have to find the right place, which can be tricky because everyone wants you to move in, that’s their job. It’s not their job to tell you why your family member or friend might be asked to leave. And then there are the FREE housing services that don’t charge families but are paid by facilities who offer them finder’s fees. Who do these free services represent, it’s not you the client, it’s the housing facilities that pay them and not everyone pays so you may not see the best care community for your loved one. It’s better to work with a housing expert that YOU pay so you know that your best interest and the interest of your family member is the most important factor, not money being exchanged without disclosure.

Ever wonder how to talk to your parents about caregiving or help issues? The mini-e-book called The Conversation of Care opens the door to see the issue from your parent’s perspective and provides suggestions on how to talk to them from a point of commonality and solutions. Aging and related issues are not easy and when we are the children we easily underestimate the difficulties our parents are facing. Visit the Parenting Your Parents website at www.parentingyourparentsradio.com to download this free e-book, time limited offer by 6/2/09

Some individuals and family members are interested in knowing if the care and services they are receiving are the best for the person receiving the care. Some individuals see multiple physicians, therapists or a participate in a variety of care settings trying everything possible to improve the situation, however sometimes it’s best to evaluate the current situation and focus on one or two areas that have the opportunity to provide the greatest gain.

Nearly 55% of elder abuse in the form of neglect is committed by family members who attempt to hide the neglect. Often this occurs when individuals, family members, parents or friends become extremely difficult and deny they need care. It’s easier to avoid or ignore the situation rather than to battle with those who need care but since we have an established relationship, is it not our duty to take action?

I work with many individuals and families who believe they are taking appropriate steps to care for themselves, however they are in and out of physician offices frequently or are unable to coordinate the medications they should be taking. When is it the families duty to step in to provide support or to hire someone who can oversee care?

You’ve begun to notice that your neighbor has stopped driving and you wonder what’s happened. When you ask them they mumble and say something like I’ve lost my license or I don’t want to drive distances anymore. Most individuals would rather fight than give up the privilege of driving so this simple acquiescence may be indicative of larger issues. Perhaps your neighbor had an accident or was stopped by the police. Perhaps they have memory loss and realize that they easily become lost. Whatever the reason offer to run an errand here or there. More importantly offer to take them to see their physician for regular checkups. This might shed some light on the situation and it may be your opportunity to get their family involved if any exist.

A recent study from the Wall Street Journal indicated that 15-25% of physicians have patients that they see as troublesome. I would imagine that the statistics for consumers might be even higher. The difficulty in developing a patient – physician relationship is that some practices have grown so large that we often see the physician’s assistant or the medical assistant if our problem is not significant enough for our physician. The old standard of having a relationship with our physician has gone by the wayside. However there are smaller practices that give greater attention to patients. If you’re truly dissatisfied with your physician perhaps it’s time to consider a change.

I had a caller on Parenting Your Parents today, my weekly radio program today ask how he could approach his mother about moving to assisted living. He and his wife have been caring for her for years and it’s getting to the point of difficulty. Sure it’s difficult to let your parent know you just can’t be the caregivers anymore, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. But there comes a time when the conversation is necessary. The approach can begin with how much you’ve enjoyed doing everything that you’ve done, medical appointments, errands, setting up home care, filling their prescription containers etc. but that you feel it’s necessary to begin looking at communities. It’s time for you to be the parent for your parent because eventually their care will likely exceed what you can provide and it’s best to be prepared for when this occurs than rushing to find a location to move your mother in the midst of a crises.

Churches in many communities seek to provide education to their parishioners. In my opinion, education about health care, caregiving and aging is important. After all most religions tell us that we must be good in this lifetime in order to have an even better after-life. Does this not include education about ensuring that our health and related matters receive care? It’s like food for the soul but it’s food for the practicalities of life that often cause significant issues as we age. If you belong to a church or religious community and are seeking education, contact me and I’ll be happy to visit and talk about the realities of the eventualities of life.

It’s important to have your legal documents in order, your living will, medical and financial powers of attorney etc. But what if you don’t want any of your children to fill these roles and there is no other family member? There are professional fiduciaries and health care professionals who can act as your powers of attorney. Some banks even provide trust services and will sometimes fill this role. Just make sure that whoever you choose has experience in the area and understands exactly what you want. I recently became the health care proxy for a developmentally disabled individual residing in a hospital for treatment because there was no family. My first project was to ask her, with witnesses from the hospital, what she would want in the event of becoming unconscious or unable to make decisions for herself. I will act as medical proxy or power of attorney, but not without first speaking to the individual about their wishes, because I realize that it’s my responsibility to carry out their wishes, not what I think or believe to be their wishes.